"Sit with Me," He whispered amidst the chaos of my prayer and my mind. "Just sit with Me."
These were the words I heard in my heart today as I knelt in front of the Tabernacle unloading my heart to the Lord. I had so many thoughts going through my head, so many things on my to-do list for the rest of the day, and so much weighing on my heart. But right in the middle of me expressing my desire to be able to "do it all" and asking Him, "how am I going to make this work?" All He asked of me was to be present to Him so that He could be present to me. You might have days like I do where you are running around, trying to get everything done, and there are a dozen more things on your to-do list, but you look at the clock and realize it's already 3 in the afternoon! Where did the day go?! You may have had the intention of plugging some prayer time into the day, or maybe just taking a few minutes to sit down and breathe before the next phone call, the next child calling your name, the next meal needing to be prepared, or the next spontaneous need from a co-worker, friend or family member that just pops up out of nowhere. But as you move throughout your day, and then throughout your week, you look back and realize you had every intention of taking those few minutes for prayer and quiet, or logging onto the parish Facebook page to join in the rosary or Adoration, but time just got away from you - again! If I had a nickel for every time this happened to me, I would probably be rich, and I'm only 22 years old! :) We devote our time to so many things and we care for so many people that sometimes we forget about ourselves. We forget that time to relax is OKAY! And time to deepen our relationship with God is VITAL to our everyday lives. I recently listened to a recorded podcast by Mark Hart, a wonderful Catholic speaker/author and Executive Vice President for Life Teen International. As I was listening, this message came up again; Mark Hart read the story of the Woman at the Well (John 4:1-42) and expressed the importance of Jesus calling attention to her sins and her shame. Why does Jesus do this? Why would He want to draw attention to her flaws, to our flaws? We know we are imperfect, we know we are human. We get told this from the people around us just as the Samaritan woman did. The Bible tells us that she was out drawing water from the well at noon, the hottest part of the day! Why would she do that? Because she wanted to avoid the others who went to the well in the morning or evening (the cooler times of the day) who were gossiping about her and shaming her for the mistakes of her past. Again we ask, why would Jesus draw attention to these past mistakes, these past sins, of the Samaritan woman's or ours? It is because He loves us. ?????????? Yes, you heard me right :) It's not because He wants to shame us, or to throw it in our face that we made a mistake, that we aren't perfect, or that we have certain weaknesses. If we don't come face to face with the reality of our past, of our mistakes, or the reality of our present, of the busyness that is our lives and we don't make time to have a conversation with Him, then we run into trouble. We get used to the constant busyness and no time for prayer and that becomes a habit. We get used to making the same mistakes over and over again, and that becomes a habit. We get used to feeling sorry for ourselves when we don't get it just right, or we don't make everyone happy, or we wrestle with a certain weakness, and that becomes a habit. We get used to doing it all on our own without asking for help, from others or God, and that becomes a habit. And habits are difficult to break - if you've ever given up something for Lent or taken something on, you know what I mean. And those habits which we've been doing and been taught for so much of our lives (to keep busy, mark off every item on the to-do list, etc), are even harder to break because they are embedded into our minds and our everyday lives - they become almost second nature to us. But in this story of the Woman at the Well, Jesus is trying to show us that as He points these things out to us, these are the things that are keeping us from Him. When all the other things in our life become more important than making sure we have some conversation time with God at least once a day, He is there reminding us to just sit with Him. Sit with Him at well, come to Him in the beautiful sacrament of Reconciliation. Let Him free you of all your burdens, all your past mistakes, all your worries and anxieties. Let Him love you. Because I guarantee no matter what you've done, no matter what you are struggling with - He is greater than it, and He wants to walk with you through everything. I'm here to remind you, and to remind myself :) That God wants all of you, and anything you think of, anything you struggle with, He already knows. But your relationship with Him is more open and honest, because when you are open and honest and share everything, then you are also ready to hear what God has to say. But, if you hold things back, those things weigh on your heart and you can't hear God's voice as clearly. As you move throughout your day, here's a little reminder to make time for prayer, to just sit with Him, even if you don't think there's anything on your heart to say, God might have something to say to you. I invite and encourage you, to just sit in the silence and let Him love you.
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I was talking with a friend this weekend and we were sharing our "highs and lows" of the day - meaning what was one of the best and worst parts of our day. We do this often to keep in touch with each other and to keep a healthy perspective that even on a bad day, there is some good, and on a good day, there are always ways we can improve. As I reflected on some of my "lows", I realized that I was focusing a lot on my weaknesses and how I didn't do my best in certain situations and was disappointed in myself. Let me get a little vulnerable here and explain......
One of my "lows" from the weekend was that I at my house on Saturday morning, overthinking everything all morning and feeling quite anxious about "fitting in" with my job, the new town and what God has called me to do and to be here in Menasha. (Yes, I just moved to Menasha a couple weeks ago! ) Although I am and have been incredibly thankful that God has placed me here at St. Mary and St. John's, and the faith-filled community here is an absolute inspiration and blessing to me, it still is an adjustment for me to embark on something "new", some days I let my guard down and my brain decides to look past all the good that being in Menasha is to me, and decides to focus instead on the "what-ifs". I think you know what I'm talking about here - we all get those days where we aren't sure about anything, we let our imagination run away from us, and we let fear and worry and anxiety get the best of us. Sometimes this happens just because, sometimes it's triggered by change. Change happens in our lives, whether is something small like what you had originally planned for the day didn't happen at all like you thought it would. Or, it can be a major life change, like what we've been dealing with due to COVID-19, or a loved one passing away. Either way, we can get frustrated with the change itself happening, or our reaction to it. We say that we need to trust God and that He has a plan, but it's not always so easy to see. And it's frustrating sometimes because we think we know ourselves, we think we can do better than those anxious thoughts and letting our imagination run away from us because we want to trust that God has a plan. But that morning, amidst my thoughts racing and the "what-ifs" I just couldn't see His plan. And then my mind goes into overthinking to the max and starts comparing myself to others, and I'm thinking, "gee, this is such a small thing to get anxious about, I know people in my own life who are struggling with way worse things than just trying to "fit-in" with a new community. I should be spending my time reaching out to them, praying for them instead of focusing on myself." In short, after a full morning of procrastination, anxious thoughts and debating what to do with the rest of my day, I decided I didn't want to deal with those thoughts anymore and I decided to go for a run and then walk to a nearby park to read and just enjoy the weather. That afternoon, God taught me something AMAZING. I was reading a book called, Uninvited by Lisa TerKeurst (10 out of 10 recommend) and the first chapter I read that day was titled "Miracles in the Mess" - I read that and I just smiled and realized God might be about to open my mind. "In Mark 6 we find Jesus sending out the twelve disciples, and as they preached, 'they drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them' (v. 13). Miracles! But we also find verse 3: 'And they took offense at him.' We see Him having great compassion on the people who followed Him in the feeding of the five thousand. They all ate and were satisfied by five loaves and two fish. Miracle! But we also see that Jesus and His disciples were physically depleted 'because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat' (v. 31). Messy realities in the midst of miracles. And isn't it so like us to miss this about Jesus' everyday life? we hyper-focus on the lines of Scripture containing the miracles, and we miss the details of the mess." As I read this, I remembered the humanity of Jesus. His life was messy too - just because Jesus was perfect, doesn't mean that the world He lived in was perfect. This made me realize - everyone's life is messy, and there are good parts of the day and bad parts of the day, but God DOES have a plan and He works ALL parts of our lives for good. God got my attention that afternoon, but He wasn't done reminding me how important our messes and weaknesses are...... "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28 Later that evening, I was thinking back to the chapter I had read and I remembered something I learned from my Divine Mercy Consecration back during the beginning of quarantine. The book which I did the consecration through talked about the importance of our weakness and how it is connected to God's mercy. We have many weaknesses and we aren't perfect. But when we offer our weaknesses to God and we allow Him to work through us in those moments, we realize it's ok that we make mistakes and we mess up sometimes, and sometimes we can't control it. God still works in ALL those moments. He made us, and He became human, so He knows about our messiness and He is right there in the midst of it. "Remember Jesus' response to the disciples who missed Him, who cried out in fear, not faith, and in their terrified state, set into motion all kinds of unnecessary anxiety. The Scripture says immediately (I love that it was immediate) He spoke to them and said, 'Don't be afraid.' The word used here means 'don't resist me.' And He climbed in the boat with them. He's saying the same thing to you and me. And He's not running from your mess. He's climbing in it to be right there with you." ~Lysa TerKeurst He smiles and tells us - I know you aren't perfect, I know your lives are messy and I know all about your weaknesses and failure. I love you amidst your flaws and if you offer those to Me, I can work so much more intimately in you life and show you my mercy. When we trust God with our messes, and we admit to Him that we are weak and we need His help, that is not a bad thing! When we slip up and make mistakes, when we get anxious without knowing why, or we don't face the changes in our life as positively as we would like, God asks us to give Him those moments, give Him those worries, arguments, "what-ifs" and anxieties and when we do, this is when God shows us His mercy. His mercy comes in many forms - it can look like a solitary moment of agreement in the midst of an argument, recognizing and being thankful for the blessings in your life, a person who makes you smile or laugh on a really crappy day, being thankful for even one blessing on the worst day of your life, or the recognition on how to improve the upcoming day because of poor decisions you've made the day before. On Saturday, for me, His mercy looked like the opportunity to take a step back and offer my anxieties to Him, and remember to trust that He has put me in the right place at the right time AND that He is and will be walking with me always. Be patient with yourself and offer your messiness and weakness up to Him. His love and mercy envelops us ALLways. Just when we think our world hasn't been shaken enough - the death of George Floyd. I know it is on your mind, as it is mine. All our unrest from quarantine, the suffering we feel from the weight of the pandemic, and the grief from losing those we love has all been brought to the surface. We desire to DO something. People are angry, and rightly so. This murder shows us that racism is still present in our country, even if we tried to brush the topic under the rug before, our country is telling us we can't do that now!
Although I am deeply saddened by the death of George Floyd, I am perhaps even more saddened by many people's responses to it. The violence. The looting. The vandalism. This isn't the answer to the problem. I know there is nothing wrong with feeling just anger, there isn't even anything wrong with acting out on that anger in appropriate ways: protesting and standing in solidarity with our brothers and sisters is good! But we also need to look at the bigger picture. How can we use our anger to fuel the fire of life, instead of a fire of death and destruction? How can we be part of the solution? Many times the Catholic Church is looked down upon because of all it's "rules", the times it does not address the hard issues (racism, homosexuality, pornography, etc) and the times it seems not to hear those who feel note heard, persecuted, or not welcome. I say this because oftentimes we leave these things up to "someone else" to figure out or address. We (myself included) often think that "The Church" applies to a building, or the Pope, or the staff of our parish, etc. YOU are the Catholic Church WE are the Catholic Church - the Body of Christ, His hands and feet! This issue cannot be solved by "someone else". It must be solved through US. It starts HERE and NOW. If there is something that this pandemic and the past 3 months have taught us, it should be that God can bring goodness out of chaos - if we let Him. Let's turn to God in prayer, ask the Holy Spirit to open our minds and our hearts, and listen to what He tells us. Let us pray for all those who give us a reason to feel anger, and pray for those who are the victims of others angry actions. Another way we can be part of the solution, is that we CANNOT ignore this and pass through this time trying to block it out or ignore it. When we ignore it, we become part of the problem. We need to be open and have conversations with our family, our friends, our children. Talk about racism, talk about what happened and how you feel about it. Talk about what responses we do feel inside, and what a response might be as a Christian people. "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." ~Galatians 3:28 Pray. Converse. Be part of the solution. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) has many resources for us to learn more about the evil of racism. They give us many resources and call us to DIALOGUE. (This link below will take you to the many resources offered by the USCCB) http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/racism/ "But the violence of recent nights is self-destructive and self-defeating. Nothing is gained by violence and so much is lost. Let us keep our eyes on the prize of true and lasting change. Legitimate protests should not be exploited by persons who have different values and agendas. Burning and looting communities, ruining the livelihoods of our neighbors, does not advance the cause of racial equality and human dignity. We should not let it be said that George Floyd died for no reason. We should honor the sacrifice of his life by removing racism and hate from our hearts and renewing our commitment to fulfill our nation’s sacred promise — to be a beloved community of life, liberty, and equality for all." ~Archbishop Gomez |