Welcome back! It's been quite awhile, but I figured it was time to "resurrect" the blog. He is risen, Hallelujah! Throughout the journey of Lent, we've been fasting, praying and almsgiving - perhaps more than any other time of the year. Now that lent has come to an end, we celebrate by enjoying the things we had given up, and perhaps we breathe a sigh of relief that we don't have to continue that time of penance. He rose so that we may have life and have it to the fullest. We celebrate for this very reason, but this doesn't mean we can just go back to our old habits and disregard all we've learned and sacrificed in the past 40 days! We've spent the last 40 days growing closer to our Lord, but just because we've met our "goal" that doesn't mean we stay at a status quo. Something so easy is to stay in that "status quo" and to continue doing what we are comfortable with or what we are used to. We get into our routine and don't always allow our horizons to be expanded. We do this with so many things in life - we have a certain way we do our job, or we run the routine of our day, or the way we think, or the way we pray or live out our faith. We all know that our Lord is so incredibly powerful and good to us. We can see the best example of that these next 50 days as we celebrate His Resurrection. But here's the other thing - He works THROUGH us. But we have to let Him in! We've heard and experienced what He can do, through the Bible and through different moments in our lives. Think about a time in your life that you've seen God at work.....................what did you come up with? You've probably had experiences where God has worked through the other people in your life. Sometimes it takes us looking backward and we can't always see it in the moment, but we can see that He does indeed work in our lives. If He works through others, why wouldn't He be able to work through you? Again, the key is to let Him in. Sometimes we get so scared, or really want to hold onto control, even though we know deep down that He will always have the best plan and that we should give Him control. The opposite of trust isn't fear, it's wanting control. "From Protest to Praise" "I knew the times would come and now the times have landed With stinging abrasion As ready as I seem to be It's never like I planned it, I'm wrestling my thoughts I'm overcome Would you give me up I'm asking Lord There's no where I sense Your presence here So I will cry out, until I go From Protest to praise You're always amazing me You're changing me slow, but surely And You're gonna see me to the end How long will I be forgotten by You forever You're not making sense here Seems like eternity has made a home between us, I'm wrestlin' my thoughts, I'm overcome Would you give me up, I'm askin', Lord? There's nowhere I sense Your presence here So I will cry out until I go From protest to praise You're always amazin' me You're changing me slow but surely And You're gonna see me to the end, to the end" Have you ever experienced that pure moment of bliss and happiness; a moment that is so beautiful and perfect you wish you could stay in it forever? In this moment you feel on top of the world and doubt that anything can tear you down or get in your way; in this moment you feel invincible and perfectly content all at the same time.
Can you think of the last time you experienced a moment like this? We need these moments to continue to give us hope when we feel like we've been forgotten by God, or when we can't feel His presence. So we cry out "from protest to praise" because God really does continue to change us "slow but surely". We have this great celebration of Easter, we have this joy and excitement for the day, but then we get thrown back into everyday life, we go "back to the grind". But we have to keep these moments at the forefront, we have to always look toward hope. So even when we don't feel like continuing to celebrate Easter, or when we don't feel God's presence, we still need to cry out to God. Let Him work on you through the struggles, but even more so through the JOY! As this Easter season continues, I challenge you and I challenge myself to continue stepping outside our comfort zone and asking God to work though us, to speak through us and to set the world on fire with His love and mercy. Remember, He has a better plan than we could ever come up with. If we let go of our own pride and control and sitting in the comfortable routine of our lives, He can do so many more INCREDIBLE things - through YOU
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I like to be in control. I like to know what is going on, how it is going to happen, when and why it is going to happen and everything in between. This goes for my personal life and responsibilities in and outside of work and everything in between. Now, I realize that when we have certain responsibilities, we have to plan ahead and know certain things. What I know deep down, but don't like to practice, is the fact that I'm not really in control. A little over a month ago I had planned a few days off work to go on a retreat/come and see with the Norbertine Sisters in California. This retreat was planned to be Friday through Wednesday, which meant I wouldn't be in town for Faith Formation class on Wednesday night. The day before I left, I was working hard to make sure everything was done ahead of time, or prepared for others to take care of in my absence and I had so many doubts about if I should really go with so much going on here. Another reason I had doubts about leaving was the fact that I wasn't sure what the retreat was going to be like, and I didn't feel ready to let God in and have that possibility of changing my status quo. My spiritual director reassured me that I was doing the right thing by taking a break, taking time off and I needed that time to reconnect with God and just be present so as to let God take the control I was so tightly gripping. Deep down I knew God was powerful, and He could take care of everything, but I doubted that He would do it for me personally. With this doubt, I isolated myself from the possibility of experiencing His deep and personal love for me....... Before I continue the story, I want to connect this with the readings this past Sunday. The first reading was God's words to Moses and Aaron about how those with leprosy were to live and be treated. At that time, leprosy was such a terrible and deadly disease for which there was no cure - we might now catch a glimpse of what it must have been like to be a leper as we walk in our Covid inflicted world today. If someone had leprosy, they were completely cut off from family, friends and cast out from all socialization. They were isolated. Suffering. Desolate. Alone. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? This first reading is so beautifully paired with the Gospel, in which Jesus encounters a man with leprosy. This man had such extraordinary faith - he had faith that Jesus was powerful, but also that Jesus could heal him. We see this extraordinary faith multiple times in the Gospels - Jesus' mother Mary has faith that He can help the newly married couple in Cana, the blind beggar has faith that Jesus can heal him, etc. But what does it really mean to have extraordinary faith, and how can we get that? It seems fairly easy to believe that God is powerful, but it is another thing entirely to believe that God can HEAL us personally and that He CARES about us personally. When I was about to leave for retreat, I wanted control because I trusted myself more than God, I didn't trust that God was going to take care of everything. We have heard so many times before that God has such an infinite amount of love for us, so much that we cannot possibly comprehend. Well, since God is so powerful, so loving and so infinite that we can't possibly comprehend, how are we supposed to try to? We turn to Jesus - this is why God came to this earth, this is why Jesus encountered people - to physically show us how much He cares for us, and how much He longs to heal us. We find ourselves in isolation and it is not somewhere we like to be. We can think of this past year and how we have been so physically isolated from others, but how are we also spiritually isolated? When we do things on our own instead of asking God for help, we isolate ourselves from Him. When the things we watch or read aren't enriching our minds, we isolate ourselves from the goodness that is available through wholesome media. When we wrestle with anxiety, depression or any kind of mental health and we hide instead of reaching out for help, we become isolated from those around us who love us the most and want to walk with us. When we spend time scrolling through our phone with no intentionality or purpose, we isolate ourselves from being present in the moment. When we complain about the way things are, we isolate ourselves from our blessings. When we encounter a problem, or stress at work or at home and we don't immediately turn to God in prayer for His grace and guidance, we isolate ourselves from the greatest help we could possibly hope to receive! This list that could go on still longer, but we also have to be cautious. We need to recognize where we are failing and falling short, but we can't belittle ourselves and beat ourselves up about how unworthy we are, or how badly we screw up. If we do, we are then isolated from the truth that is more important than anything else: we are God's beloved. Jesus knows how broken we are. Jesus knows how much we need to be healed from the things we inflict upon ourselves, and the things that this world inflicts upon us. In episode 6 of "The Chosen", we see the story of Jesus healing the leper: The man trusted Jesus and knew Jesus could heal him if He willed it. The man believed that Jesus was there for him. Did you notice the apostle's astonishment when Jesus touched him? Did you notice the man's shock and excitement? Jesus does not shy away from the messiness and worst parts of our lives - just as He did for the leper, He wants to do for you.
When I went on my retreat last month, everyone around me was telling me it was ok, and I needed to give up control and simply be present in the moment, so that I could TRUST Him. As the retreat began, I still clung to that control, again isolating myself from what God wanted me to experience. On the second day, as I sat in adoration, I began to pray a simple prayer: "God, help me see what you want me to see, and help me hear what you want me to hear, help me to be present." I prayed it timidly at first, but as I began to embrace the retreat, embrace being present in the moment, I prayed it more and more fervently. God granted me that grace. As I continued to pray that prayer throughout the retreat, I truly was more present and learned and experienced so many wonderful moments with the sisters, with the other young women and with God - even if I tried, I could not have planned a more genuine, awe-inspiring, and beautiful retreat. God has so much to show us, He has so much to love and healing to give to us. God is not just some powerful being in the sky, He is right here with us, and wants to help if we allow Him to. One of the most impactful things God taught me on that retreat was: Our relationship with Jesus is prayer, and prayer is powerful and personal. We can have that extraordinary faith of the leper, if we truly believe that God hears and answers the prayers we are praying. God knows the most intimate details about us - why would He not listen and provide us exactly what we need when we need it? The power of prayer is in the one who answers, not in the one who prays. Today, let Him free you from your isolation. 2020 - a year where I had (and I think we all had) many expectations of what was "supposed" to happen and many things I was "supposed" to do. In reality, many things were scheduled, but God knew in each moment we were all exactly where we needed to be. I was blessed to be able to finish school, spend great amounts of quality time with family, graduate, continue to work at an amazing job serving the people of the Church and move to Menasha to become part of another incredible family of faith. All my expectations vs. reality in 2020 were some of the biggest challenges and also some of the biggest blessings.
Have you ever done the icebreaker "highs and lows"? or "roses and thorns"? It is an opportunity for a group of people to take a look back on the past day or week and share some of the best and worst moments of the day/week. One of my friends and I became experts at "highs and lows" especially over quarantine. I reached many low points this year, but in the midst of them, friends, family, and coworkers picked me back up and helped me to see the goodness around me which have turned out to be some of the best high points of the year. There have been fearful moments and moments of great joy; the Holy Family has definitely been an inspiration for me and reminded me that life is filled with both. What have been some of your highs and lows of 2020? Throughout the year, I actually consecrated myself to all 3 members of the Holy Family in unique ways. What does this mean? It means that I spent about 15-30 minutes a day for a month intentionally reading about and praying through different a devotional book to learn more about a particular member of the Holy Family and on a particular feast day of the Church I consecrated myself to them. This means openly giving myself, all my intentions and desires to Jesus, to Mary, to Joseph. In doing that, I promise to rely more on them than myself so they can lead me in the best path of holiness. On Divine Mercy Sunday, I consecrated myself to Jesus and His Divine Mercy. On the feast of our Lady of Knock, I consecrated myself to St. Joseph. On the Feast of Mary the Mother of God, I consecrated myself to our Blessed Mother. I started to recognize and understand the Holy Family as more than just an image on a holy card. Don't misunderstand, these images of the Holy Family are indeed beautiful! However, they look so perfect and often seem too much to be aspired to.... "The trouble with pictures of the Holy Family is that they always look so holy. Even when they had the terrible experience of rushing off to Egypt as refugees, most illustrations give the impression that they're going off on holiday with Mary sitting side-saddle, sedately holding the baby. We pray that our family should be like the Holy Family and when you hear that, you may feel that with all the squabbling that goes on in our house we could never be like that. I think this may be due to the way the Holy Family at Nazareth is portrayed: as if everything was calm and neat and quiet and clean. A more realistic image of what it must have been like was when I got some nine-year-old's to act as the Holy Family. Joseph came in tired from work looking for something to eat and Mary said, "I haven't managed to get the dinner yet, this baby is driving me mad. I don't know what's wrong with him, he's probably teething or something." And Joseph picks up the baby and makes gooey noises at him. In the family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph, there was a strong, powerful love of each other, so they must have been brought up in loving families themselves. But being a loving family doesn't mean to say that all is calm and sweet. We need to accept the worry and frustrations that Mary and Joseph suffered when they first had the child and even later on when he was growing up." ~A Reflection By Fr. Michael Barrow, SJ I encourage you this year to spend more time with the Holy Family and ask them to really be a part of your family life. If you feel so called, I encourage you to take up one of these consecrations books as a family and consecrate yourselves to Jesus, Mary, Joseph. Consecration to Jesus' Merciful Love Consecration to Mary Consecration to Joseph Maybe this is too much, maybe you can't possibly think of taking on ANOTHER thing in your life, or more "things to do". But I want to share this with you because if God is calling you to this, He will help you to make time for it. He wants you to come closer to Him, He wants you to be the best version of yourself. He knows you better than you know yourself, and He KNOWS you are capable of holiness - It is true what they say: YOU CAN BE A HOLY AND YOU CAN BE A SAINT!! (I've shared this video before, but I'm sharing it again :) ) Who Says You Can't Be A Saint? I'm going to throw one more idea out here for you: A few years ago, some friends of mine shared with me that they don’t partake in the whole idea of New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, they pray about and invest in “a word of the year”. What this means is that they would spend some time in prayer before or during the beginning of the new year, really take inventory of where they were at in their life, and how they could improve their mind, body and soul. They picked one or two words to envelop their entire life. When I heard about this, I tried it out – I prayed about it and chose the word “uncomfortable”. As I chose and continued to pray with that word throughout the year, it was a reminder to me that in order to grow, deepen my relationship with God and with others, and really be the best version of myself, I needed to not do what was easy and not do what was comfortable all the time, but to challenge myself. Now let me tell you, that was anything but easy. Each time I would go to prayer with any situation, that word was brought to my mind and I would feel this nudge to be “uncomfortable”; to reach out to someone new even though it was awkward, be nice to someone else even if they weren’t my favorite person, be completely honest to God in prayer, be more vulnerable and share more of myself with close friends… Now, “uncomfortable” might not be your “word of the year”, but what is? In this New Year, we have expectations that it is going to be different, but do we simply hope, pray, and sit back and watch? No! We need to do our part and continue living as the best versions of ourselves in the midst of whatever this year will throw at us. It may be a week past the start of the new year, but it is never too late to start. The expectations we have of this year may be great, and reality will often surprise us - perhaps with something worse, perhaps with something better. We need to remain grounded in our Lord so that we can lean on Him with EVERYTHING that comes our way. Personally, I thank God that my expectations have not all become reality because then I would have missed out on all the incredible graces He has given me through both the highs and the lows. You and I are exactly where we need to be at this moment. And if we are not, the power of our Father’s love pours forth on us at this time so we can turn back to Him. Today is a holy day of obligation! Now, you might think "oh boy, another thing I have to do, to check off my list" But the Church calls it a holy day of obligation because we need it! It is a day, similar to Sunday, when we have an obligation to celebrate a feast in the church, attend Mass and try to abstain from "engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body." [CCC 2185]
In other words - it is a day to refocus our priorities toward God and celebrate the blessings He has given us. It is a day to celebrate a particular gift and mystery God has given us and to reflect on how it affects our daily lives. At first, it may not seem like these affect our daily lives, but sometimes we need that reminder to take a closer look at our lives and at the wonders we take for granted. Today's holy day is the feast of the Immaculate Conception - and although at Mass we read about when Jesus was conceived in Mary's womb, and although we are preparing for the celebration of Jesus' birth - these are NOT the reasons for today's feast! Today we celebrate when MARY was conceived in the womb of ST. ANNE. At this moment, Mary was preserved exempt from all stain of original sin by God's grace. How miraculous is that?! Mary is human, just like you and me. And she was chosen for a particular task by God, just like you and me. But the miraculous part is that she was spared from original sin so to be prepared for becoming a perfect vessel to carry the Christ child into the world. There are so many devotions to our Heavenly Mother, that it may seem like we put too much emphasis on her, but not enough on Jesus. This may be why some of our Protestant brothers and sisters ask why Catholics worship Mary. HOWEVER - we know this is not the case! There is a reason we venerate and honor her, but we do not worship her because she is not God. First of all, we are called to follow in the footsteps of Christ - Jesus followed, obeyed and was with His mother for the first 30 years of His life! We cannot say that we devote too much time to Mary, if Christ gave us this example first. Secondly, Mary's entire life on earth and in heaven was and is devoted to God. Her goal is to bring as many people to Him as possible, and as we come to know Mary more and more, we come better to know her Son! We cannot get to know Mary without being brought closer to Jesus - isn't that beautiful! Jesus also gave us His mother, as our mother too! She was chosen even before she was conceived to be the Mother of God, but Jesus had another task for her as well. It happened when He looked down while He was on the Cross and said, "Woman, behold, your son" and to John, "Behold your mother" (Jn 19:26-27) Jesus gave us one of His greatest gifts - His mother as our mother! "Just as it was once her task some 2,000 years ago to give birth to Christ, to feed and nurture him, and to help him grow and develop into a man, so also from the time she first said yes to being the mother of Jesus until the end of time, Mary's task is to give spiritual birth to Christians, to feed and nurture them with grace, and to help them grow to full stature in Christ. In short, Mary's job is to help us grow in holiness. It's her mission to form us into saints." (33 Days to Morning Glory by Michael Gaitley pages 24-25) Today, we take the opportunity presented to us to get to know our heavenly mother, to ask her to help us get to know her, and get to know her Son more intimately. Mary is a tender, loving and caring Mother. She will protect us from harm, teach us the right ways to go, and comfort us when we are afraid or struggling, just as our earthly mothers will. "[Mary] puts herself around [her true children], and accompanies them 'like an army in battle array' (Cant 6:3). Shall a man who has an army of a hundred thousand soldiers around him fear his enemies? A faithful servant of Mary, surrounded by her protection...has still less to fear. This good Mother... would rather dispatch battalions of millions of angels to assist one of her servants than that it should ever be said that a faithful servant of Mary, who trusted in her, had to succumb to the malice, the number, and the vehemence of his enemies." (33 Days to Morning Glory by Michael Gaitley page 46) Come, Holy Spirit, living in Mary. Help me to give myself entirely to Jesus through Mary. ***Today's blog is an excerpt from a book called, "I Believe in Love: a personal retreat based on the teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux" by Fr. Jean C.J. D'Elbee. I staretd reading it recently and it touched my heart, and I hope it will for you as well!***
"He, who "bore our sins in His body." He obtains for us the right to appear one day before the Father covered with the Blood flowing from every pore of His body under the pressure of His agony and shed on Calvary to the last drop. Then the Father will not recognize us as sinners, but as His children, regenerated and renewed by the baptism of this Blood; He will take us for His beloved Son. See this sublime exchange: Jesus takes our sins upon Himself, and we make His merits our own. And the Father receives us as if we were His beloved Son, though infinite mercy, but in all justice." ************* "After Gethsemane came the horrible scourging, the crowning with thorns, and Calvary. Jesus looked with merciful love at those who had wounded His hands and His feet, because those wounds were to be the doors to Heaven - even for those who had made them. And He said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.' As if that were not enough, He invented the Eucharist: a God who makes Himself into bread, a little host, in order to descend onto our lips and into our hearts, to bridge all distance between Himself and us. Love is exacting; love is absolute. So He instituted the sacrament which effect, between Him and us, more than a union, more than a fusion: the oneness of love. He wants us to become one with Him: ut unum sint. He could bring about this oneness only by changing us into Himself. Yes, truly, He loved us immensely. He loved us with an incomprehensible love which surpasses all words on earth. He loved to the utmost limit. St. John finds only these words for it: 'He loved them unto the end.' What I have just told you, you know by heart. It is the Gospel, nothing else. You have learned it since your childhood. You have grown up deepening your understanding of these mysteries. But we do not read the Gospel enough in the light of the love of Christ ...................... Jesus appeared to St Margaret Mary at Paray-le-Monial and though her gave HIs Heart to the world. 'Here is the Heart which loved men so much that it spared nothing, to the point of being emptied and consumed, to give them proof of that love.' Before Paray-le-Monial, Jesus could think, 'I have given them everything. I have given them my sweat and fatigue on the roads of Palestine; I have given them all my Blood on Calvary; I have given them the gift of my beloved Mother; I have given myself in the Eucharist. What more can I do that they may believe in my love? I know: I shall give them my Heart; I shall give them the source of all these follies of my love. But if they do not love me after I give them the gift of my Heart, when will they love me?' Meditate on the love of Jesus in His Gospel, on the love of Jesus in His own life, as we have just briefly done. Then meditate on the love of Jesus in your own life." ********************* "We have spoken of His love for everyone; let us now talk about His love for you, personally. This is a meditation which you will not find in books. It is a meditation you will discover in the book of your life. Why are you here? Why were you born into a Christian family? Why were you baptized? Why have you learned to know Jesus, to love Him since your earliest childhood? Because He has chosen you and preferred you from all eternity, to heap these graces upon you. Recall your first prayers, your confirmation, your first Communion, that first union of Your soul with Him; your infidelities, small or great, Jesus picking you up again, becoming for you so many times the Good Shepherd, running after His little lamb, carrying it back in HIs arms; the absolution you have received so often in the sacrament of Penance, this pouring out of His divine Blood, which purifies you in an instant. Why again do you have this grace of being chosen to be a part of a Christian elite? Because you have been loved with predilection. There is no other explanation. And if you are a convert, you must unite yourself with the thanksgiving of a St. Paul or a St. Augustine. What confidence He had in you, to give Himself in this way. You could say that you were in some way a need of His Heart. Perhaps you have always been faithful; perhaps you have resisted Jesus' calls for a long time' perhaps you have fallen very low. Who are those Jesus loves best? No one can know that . At Calvary there was John the beloved, the marvelously faithful and pure apostle; and there was Mary Magdalene, the great sinner, the scandalous one who repented. They were there, both of them near the Cross as equals. On the morning of the Resurrection it was to Mary Magdalene that Jesus appeared first of all, even before appearing to His Apostles, and He sent her to announce the great news. He made her the apostle to the Apostles. What a predilection! I shall come back to this, but I should like to ask you urgently, from now on, that you never let your past sins be an obstacle between you and Jesus. It is a ruse of the Devil to keep putting our sins before our eyes in order to make them like a screen between the Savior and us. Think of your past sins for your own humiliation or to persuade yourself once again of your weakness, of your unworthiness; think of them in order to find happiness in expiation, in order to confirm your firm resolution not to fall again - certainly that is necessary - but especially in order to bless Jesus for having pardoned you, for having purified you, for having cast all your sins to the bottom of the sea: Projiciet in profundum maris omnia peccata nostra. Do not go looking for them at the bottom of the sea! He has wiped them out; He has forgotten them. His Blood has been shed; the flames of His mercy have done their work: they have burned up all of them consumed them all while renewing you. Our faults must reman for us a source of humility and repentance, but especially a source of immense thankfulness for the forgiveness we have received, a source of limitless faith in a limitless mercy; a faith, moreover, which (to the extent that it is filled with love), obtains the remission of the punishment we deserve for our sins. **************** If you have been loved like this, you must love in return, give love for love. 'I have loved you; you must love. I have given you my Heart without reserve, in order to have your heart without reserve. I have put no limit on my love; you must put no limit on yours.'" I Believe in Love: a personal retreat based on the teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux by Fr. Jean C.J. D'Elbee Excerpts from pages 6-14 I've seen some joking comments going around social media lately saying things like "I walked into the store and they have all the Christmas decorations are up already! I think they are skipping Thanksgiving because there's nothing to be thankful for in 2020." We laugh off these comments, but with the kind of laughter where you feel slightly uncomfortable because there feels like there is some truth to what was said.
We often look at how difficult this year has been, and at what we know to be some of the best days of the year coming up, how disappointing it is to not be able to gather with all of our loved ones for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. Our world is a mess - there's no doubt about that. Often it has felt like a whole decade of tragedies and hardships have occurred in just one year. But when we look only at the struggles and tragedies of this year, we suffocate. When we focus on the negative, and only the negative, we surround ourselves with darkness - not that we created the darkness in the first place, but we fill our minds with it. Pretty soon we can't see anything else and we get used to it, and it becomes our "new normal". We start to believe that the world we live in will always be this way - we will always feel at least a little suffocated and fearful and that's just the way it is and we have to learn to live with it. The hope we had at the beginning of the year is so faint now compared to what it was. We are human, we get worn down. We can only take so much wear and tear through the times we get beat by our current situations and through the struggles we face. We can only live in fear for so long before it completely consumes us. We crumble and we break - and there's nothing wrong with that! But we don't have to continue to suffocate. Our Lord knows that this life is hard. He may have never sinned, but that doesn't mean He didn't experience hardship. He got sick, got teased at school, was made fun of and beat up by His peers, and although many people followed Him, many people also hated Him - which is why he suffered the excruciatingly painful death that He did. I know that in the midst of pain and darkness, fear and uncertainty it seems so impossible to see the light. It seems so impossible to embrace the suffering when you just want to be free from it, but it seems like there is nothing you can do. I was going through a really hard time recently and I felt that way. I didn't see a way out, and even though when I would talk to people and they would be so supportive of me, it was still hard to see past my own struggle to see the hope they were trying to help me see. I sat in the church one night after work, trying to see the light beyond my own darkness, the fresh air outside of the suffocating negativity in my mind. I started thinking about the scene in "The Passion of the Christ" when Jesus not only carries His cross, but He embraced it. He didn't lash out or curse or put blame on the people or the situation He was in, but he humbly and painfully carried His cross. It seemed so impossible to me that He would do that, to suffer so much ridicule, and not lash out in anger. In the moments in which He fell, you can see the terrible pain and agony on His face, so much blood and so many bruises covered His whole body and the weight of the beam made His wounds that much more painful. In that moment, you can imagine anyone just wanting to stay there and not move and try to protect themselves from the continuing blows from above. But Jesus didn't stay there - he got up again, and again, and again. I sat in silence thinking of how Jesus loved through His pain - how Jesus literally embraced the very thing that was causing Him so much pain. It seemed so impossible to me in that moment, but it made me wonder and brought me out of my own darkness for a few moments. Later that night I was watching another episode of "The Chosen" (amazing show about the life of Jesus through the eyes of His disciples - 10 out of 10 recommend!!) and the way that Jesus reacted in the face of His disciple's fear was incredible. They were all walking along the road and a man was coming towards them, and the disciples jumped and tried to run out of fear because he had leprosy (a deadly disease). They tried to hold Jesus back, but He just moved past them and reached out to heal the leper. In the show, this was the first person that Jesus cured in front of the disciples, so they didn't really understand what was going on, they were afraid for their safety and for the safety of their new teacher. The disciples didn't understand, they were afraid, and they were only doing what they thought was best - they didn't understand that Jesus had another plan. Sometimes we feel like those disciples. We feel confused, afraid, and do what we can, which isn't much sometimes, but we forget that Jesus often has a different agenda than our own. When we feel that weight, when in the midst of that darkness, take the time to spend even a couple of minutes in silence with Him. You don't have to say it all - He knows - and just sitting with Him takes a little of that weight off your shoulders. When we feel so suffocated by the negativity and the darkness around us, don't forget that Jesus showed us the best way to live, especially through the pain. Jesus showed us that it won't work to just hide from the pain, to fall down and take the beating, but to stand up and continue forward out of love. If you're having a hard time seeing that hope right now, if you feel like you're suffocating and having a hard time seeing something better in front of you, take some time to sit in silence with Him. Ask Him to just be with you and help you through whatever struggle you have, however impossible it may seem. He can see the bigger picture, even when we cannot. His plans are often so different than our own, but just look at the example of the leper who was cured - His disciples wanted to avoid the leper, avoid the suffering and the pain. Or look to the cross, when He carried his cross through tremendous pain and died, but then defeated death and rose from the dead! Jesus showed His disciples and us, that sometimes we have to embrace the pain, embrace what we don't understand and look to God for help because we cannot do it alone, because sometimes the most painful moments, God can turn into the most beautiful. He wants you to ask for help, he really does! Never think that your problems are too big or too small for Him. EVERY matter that is important to you, is even more important to Him! So even in the midst of what seems like a suffocating world, we need to reach out to Christ and remember that there is hope. There really is a lot to be thankful for in our lives, but sometimes we have to take a step back and ask for His help to see it. For the beauty of your creation, we thank you Lord. For the gift of new life, we thank you Lord. For creating us in your image and likeness, we thank you Lord. For your fatherly love, we thank you Lord. For the gift of your only Son, we thank you Lord. For the gifts of the Holy Spirit, we thank you Lord. For revealing yourself to us, we thank you Lord. For the sacraments that bring us closer to you, we thank you Lord. For the Eucharist that sustains us, we thank you Lord. For the love found in family, we thank you Lord. For the friendships that nourish us, we thank you Lord. For the Church that guides us, we thank you Lord. For holy and wise clergy, we thank you Lord. For the example of people of faith who inspire us, we thank you Lord. For the peace that is found in you, we thank you Lord For the joy that comes from praising you, we thank you Lord. For the times of hardship that help us to grow in virtue and holiness, we thank you Lord. For the opportunity to work for good, we thank you Lord. For the times we are inconvenienced, we thank you Lord. For moments of sorrow that help us remember to turn to you, we thank you Lord. For opportunities to do your will with joy, we thank you Lord. Amen. "I woke up with a broken heart in my chest
I couldn't sleep, couldn't get no rest Weighed down by the heaviness of life And I try to shake it, flippin' thru my phone But all it does is make me feel more alone How could anything that feels so wrong be right? Seven billion voices separate us But only one can show us who we are We are made... Made in the image of... Made in the image of God Beautiful shades of love.......... ...........We fall apart We all lose site of heaven But still your love is chasing us" ~Lyrics from Image of God by We Are Messengers I love music because so many times songs can get to the heart of what we are feeling even when we cannot express the words ourselves. I heard this song today, and it resounded with me, especially that last part. We mess up. We get stressed out. We beat ourselves up for one thing or another. But despite our mess and how many times we have screwed up in the past or that we will in the future, the truth is that God is still here, wanting to love us, wanting us to ask for His help. A friend of mine reminded me yesterday that we all mess up, but that doesn't mean we should stop asking for help. It's not always easy to ask for help. Personally, I am terrible at asking for help because I think I should be able to do it all on my own, whether that is what I am doing at work, what I am struggling with spiritually or mentally, or just things on a day to day basis. It took me a long time to realize that I can't do everything on my own, I'm not made to do it all on my own, and asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. And even now even though I know these things, I don't always practice them - we all need reminders now and again. Christ knows that we mess up. But when we do, He doesn't shame us like we might shame ourselves. He loves us. I was at a retreat a little over a week ago and we were talking about Lectio Divina. Lectio Divina is a way to pray with scripture. I did a video on it this past summer, you can watch that here if you want to hear more about it. So, we were talking about how Christ teaches us through prayer and through scripture and Mother Mary Catherine said that as adults we don't like to be vulnerable because we are afraid of what Jesus might tell us. But if we are childlike, we are excited to hear what He has to say - because Jesus doesn't teach us in a way that we are used to. He teaches.....and He loves. Even if the lesson He wants to teach us is hard because we've screwed up or because we need to change our ways, we don't feel horrible when Jesus teaches because He lets us know that we are still loved. I know we all want to be better people, we want to be the ones to bring Christ's light into the world, but in order to do that, we have to be ok with letting others help us, and letting others love us, just as we desire to help and love others. We are made in the image of God, just like the song says - this is something we know too, but so what? Why is this so important? It is a reminder to us that we are not our own. When we don't want to ask for help and we think we can do it all ourselves, we need to remember that we are not alone - we are His. You are a daughter, you are a son of God and He loves you. He cares for you - don't be afraid to ask for His help. You are not alone. You are loved. "The greatest grace God can give to someone is to send him a trial he cannot bear with his own powers - and then sustain him with His grace so he may endure to the end and be saved"
~St. Justin Martyr Over the past couple weeks, I’ve read and prayed with this quote over and over again. The amount and the depth of trials we have encountered lately is more than we can bear on our own. God is reminding us that we need to lean on Him because we CANNOT do this on our own. Our very breath and existence relies on Him, so why shouldn’t we trust that He can give us the grace to work through the challenges we are wrestling with? It is because we've become victims of F.U.D.: Fear. Uncertainty. Doubt. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't experience FUD. Look around you. The times we are living in today give us an endless supply of things to have FUD about. If there is some glimpse of happiness or certainty or positivity, you can bet your bottom dollar that there is about 100 more things ready to envelop us through social media, the news, the latest Covid or presidential election updates. Before March, I think we all took for granted a lot of things, we never will again. Now we are afraid to do what we thought were such simple things before - to go grocery shopping, hug our grandparents, talk with our neighbors, go to Mass, or gather for a meal with friends and family. All of this FUD is attempting to divide us. Because I know that God made us to be together, He made us as social beings and to gather in community, I know that the division and the loneliness in this world is not of God. "Loneliness is the Devil's quicksand and he clears a very straight path to it. But God is so faithful, He provides us a way out - a bridge over the quicksand..... ....It can be hard, in times of loneliness to identify those provisions. As Jesus ascended into Heaven, He left His Spirit with us. That Spirit immediately started multiplying the church. and in Acts 2:42 it says, 'They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.' In a moment when the apostles had just lost their dearest friend, Jesus, they could have easily turned to isolation and allowed sadness to overcome them. However, they took a different approach - they allowed the Spirit to do what He does best. Move." ~Abby Turner from DaySpring I know it's hard. I too am a victim of FUD and I know how hard it is to move forward in the midst of everything going on today. I know how hard it is to make the difficult decisions that were once easy decisions, I know how hard it is to have to stay away from loved ones because of fear of the virus. People very very dear to me have Covid and have battled/still are battling it and the Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt are real. On one hand, I have embraced FUD and let it control my life, I have embraced it without even knowing it - this is how the devil works, he works in tricks and plays on our fears and insecurities. On the other hand, I try to keep FUD as far away from me as possible and bring everything to God in prayer. In the midst of my fear, I try to invite God into the moment and trust Him to be there for me, to hear my doubts and insecurities and I pray for everyone around me because so much of the time that's all I can do. There are times where we can get fired up and really want to just do something to get rid of all the Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt - but what can we do when we are caught in the middle? Each and every one of us is here as this specific time for a specific purpose - and we are all here to love. YOU are here right NOW because God knew that your unique gifts and talents, the way you love, the way you connect with others and the very person that you are would make a difference. God placed you in this very moment to share love. Never underestimate your potential as a baptized soul - God has given you the graces needed to fulfill your potential in a way no one else can. God has a relationship with you in a way He doesn't have with anyone else. When you become overwhelmed with all of the Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt, remember that love really does win in the end, no matter what our social media or news reporters say. Be confident in yourself, but even more importantly, be confident in God. You know your Father's voice and even if you wish times were different and even if you can't see the big picture, you know He has called you for this exact time and place. "The greatest grace God can give to someone is to send him a trial he cannot bear with his own powers - and then sustain him with His grace so he may endure to the end and be saved" ~St. Justin Martyr I invite you to pray with his quote this week and in moments where you need His grace, simply say to Him, Jesus, I need you. Jesus, I trust in You. Last week I went to Mass and I was having the hardest time focusing on anything at all. My thoughts were racing at 100 miles an hour and in all my attempts to refocus on the most important thing - Jesus present on the altar - I just could not focus. I was thinking about all the things I had to do after Mass, the rest of the week, worries I had and absolutely everything and anything besides being present where I was.
After I received Communion, try as I might, I still could not draw my attention to the present moment (even though I had just received Jesus and you'd think that would be at the center of my attention!) I was just getting more frustrated with myself because I couldn't focus, and then was focusing on that! As I was kneeling there, I closed my eyes and for reasons unknown to me, I thought this short prayer: Come Holy Spirit, teach me to pray That's all I said. And after that, I began to recognize that Jesus was with me, and that gave me a bit of peace. It wasn't a big revelation, and all the thoughts were still swirling around in my mind like a big old Wisconsin snowstorm. But there was another though that was present - that God was in the midst of my storm. Adding that thought to the thousand others didn't make the others go away, but in a sense I was able to be with those thoughts and with God and think about them as a sort of prayer. Normally I don't pray to the Holy Spirit - that's probably not a great thing to say, but it's true. I can't remember the last time before last week that I did so. I think a lot of us don't pray to the Holy Spirit mostly because we don't really know who it is and we don't have a relationship with Him. The Holy Spirit is a bit of a mystery to us, and we may not even know how to go about building that relationship or bringing Him into our day. Who even is the Holy Spirit? "Many great theologians and saints throughout history, like St. Maximus the Confessor, compared the bond between the members of the Holy Trinity to a never ending dance where the Father and Son are the dancers and the Holy Spirit is the structure of the dance they are following. In other words, the Holy Trinity would easily win Dancing with the Stars. After all, the Trinity has the whole perfection thing going on and has had all of eternity to practice. Have you ever had a teacher who made a huge difference in your life? The way they taught things just made sense, they were creative in ways you never thought possible, and the advice they gave you, even outside of school work, turned out to be the best advice every time. And, maybe, you still find yourself wanting to ask that teacher for help even when you aren’t in their class anymore. In John 14:26, Jesus tells us that this is exactly what the Holy Spirit is like. He expands our soul and our mind to be open to God’s graces and guides us in our lives as Christians. And as a teacher, the Holy Spirit would never lead anyone away from the truth. In fact, take a moment to read Acts 2. The Holy Spirit descended upon the first bishops of the Catholic Church (Jesus’ apostles) at Pentecost and, ever since, has guided and protected the members and leaders of the Church from straying too far from the teachings of Jesus Christ. It also served as an inspiration to spread this truth to as many people as possible. This guidance and inspiration has remained with the Church ever since by being passed on from bishop to bishop through the Holy Spirit. With all of this in mind, I challenge your to search for the Holy Spirit’s presence in your life. Take advantage of the fact that the Holy Spirit has made a home in your soul and ask Him for guidance in your prayers and day-to-day decisions. If the Holy Spirit has managed to keep a Church full of sinners alive and well for thousands of years, He can definitely work wonders for you." ~Life Teen Blog So, the Holy Spirit is not just this dove who flies around giving people knowledge and whispering in our ear, and this may help us understand a bit who the Holy Spirit is, but how does this help us in the day to day and the relationship we want to build with the Holy Spirit? Just as Jesus' disciples heard Him speak so many times about the Kingdom of God and that He was "the Way, the Truth and the Life", they still had to learn how it all worked out day to day. How can we build that relationship day to day with the Holy Spirit? So often we really don't have time to do anything more - how can we add more into our schedule? This is where mental pray comes in. Mental prayer is simply taking time to be mindful of God's loving presence while we are thinking, worrying, desiring and talking. It is just as it happened to me in those moments after Communion - after asking guidance from the Holy Spirit in that simple prayer, I realized I was in the presence of God, and I continued to think about everything, but bringing it to Him in this way. "In Him, we can think about whatever we need to think about: a hard or disappearing job, a stressed spouse, a needy neighbor, a car to fix or replace. And we can do this any time of the day, 'even when I am waiting at the dentist' or any other pleasant venue. For God is creating us to thrive in the tangle of our minds and the welter of our emotions." ~Always Discerning pg 100 This week, I am taking on the challenge to do more mental prayer, and I encourage you to do the same. God is with us in every moment, and He wants to share all those moments with us - this is how the Spirit draws us into ongoing conversion of mind and heart. We can each build that relationship with the Holy Spirit in the everyday moments. Be with Him in the moments of confusion, moments of decision, moments of anger and frustration, moments of joy and laughter. Be with Him in those moments where you think you might go crazy and the moments where you aren't thinking anything at all. Recognize His presence in the the moments of your life today. Have you ever seen the movie War Room? Excellent movie - 10 out of 10 recommend! In fact, if you're looking for a wholesome movie night with family or friends, or even just by yourself, I would encourage this to be the next one you watch.
The whole goal of the movie is to get us to see that we don't know how to fight. What do I mean by that? Well it seems like nowadays there is always thing after thing placed in our laps, and none of it seems easy to deal with it - and I think many of us are just tired with dealing with it and hearing all the negativity and everything going on in the world with the pandemic, politics and not to mention the ordinary struggles we deal with everyday - none of which by any means, are easy. We seem to be in this constant battle, and some days we may not even know what to pray for. We feel like we are in survival mode, just trying to keep our heads above water. "To win the fight, you've got to have the right strategy and the right resources, because victories don't come by accident" ~Miss Clara from War Room When we are in survival mode, and sometimes we just go through the motions and all we can do sometimes is look at God and shrug because we don't even know what to pray, all we have the energy for is to keep moving forward to fight/live another day. But here's where we are going to flip it around - even though we feel like we don't have that energy to keep fighting, I want to tell you that when we fight our everyday battle with God instead of by ourselves, He will give you the grace and the energy and everything you need to keep moving forward. "You need to plead with God to do only what He can do. And then you need to get out of the way and let Him do it" Before you continue, I'm going to encourage you to watch this clip from the movie: War Room Scene: Lukewarm Coffee Miss Clara is very persistent isn't she? She makes me laugh and her words definitely call me out! I'll raise my hand now and admit my prayer life and relationship with God isn't always hot - many times it is lukewarm and I think I can get by just with that. But in order to continue fighting the battles we do everyday - big or small - we need the right strategy. We need to pray. "Everyone's always trying to leave Jesus out, which is one reason we're in the mess we're in." The rest of today's blog post is inspiration not from me, but credit goes to a good friend, Fr. Mike Brennan who shared the words of St. Augustine in correlation to the Office of Readings from last week. These words can remind us how we can refocus our prayer, to continue fighting in the right way, and letting God do what He does: Lord, what shall we pray for? In this morning's Office of Readings, St. Augustine weighs in... From a letter to Proba by Saint Augustine, bishop (Ep. 130, 14, 25-26: CSEL 44, 68-71) We do not know what it is right to pray for You may still want to ask why the Apostle said: We do not know what it is right to pray for, because, surely, we cannot believe that either he or those to whom he wrote did not know the Lord’s Prayer. He showed that he himself shared this uncertainty. Did he know what it was right to pray for when he was given a thorn in the flesh, an angel of Satan to bruise him, so that he might not be puffed up by the greatness of what was revealed to him? Three times he asked the Lord to take it away from him, which showed that he did not know what he should ask for in prayer. At last, he heard the Lord’s answer, explaining why the prayer of so great a man was not granted, and why it was not expedient for it to be granted: My grace is sufficient for you, for power shines forth more perfectly in weakness. In the kind of affliction, then, which can bring either good or ill, we do not know what it is right to pray for; yet, because it is difficult, troublesome and against the grain for us, weak as we are, we do what every human would do, we pray that it may be taken away from us. We owe, however, at least this much in our duty to God: if he does not take it away, we must not imagine that we are being forgotten by him but because of our loving endurance of evil, must await greater blessings in its place. In this way, power shines forth more perfectly in weakness. These words are written to prevent us from having too great an opinion of ourselves if our prayer is granted, when we are impatient in asking for something that it would be better not to receive; and to prevent us from being dejected, and distrustful of God’s mercy toward us, if our prayer is not granted, when we ask for something that would bring us greater affliction, or completely ruin us through the corrupting influence of prosperity. In these cases we do not know what is right to ask for in prayer. Therefore, if something happens that we did not pray for, we must have no doubt at all that what God wants is more expedient than what we wanted ourselves. Our great Mediator gave us an example of this. After he had said: Father, if it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me, he immediately added, Yet not what I will, but what you will, Father, so transforming the human will that was his through his taking a human nature. As a consequence, and rightly so, through the obedience of one man the many are made righteous. |